Sunday, August 21, 2011

zimdog pnaws turns a corner

I recently felt a renewed pulse for the zimdog pnaws; this is part A....

(Part Z is:)
I read so much cool stuff written by other people that I've decided to devote the occasional pnaw to fellow writers....

Part A + Part Z = an introduction to the writer of this inaugural edition of zimdog pnaws presents: others' pnaws....

The zimdog has known Barb Stahl since high-school....
(After Mr. Wright moved Me up into accelerated English, the zimdog had the pleasure of learning from Mrs. Stahl for two consecutive years... (... 10th & 11th Grades...).)

Today, I credit Barb heavily for influencing the lasting impressions that actualized My passion for writing....

And so---(without further adieu)---I present a poem by Barbara Devita-Stahl:

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The boy who said, "I love you"

He said, “I love you”
On the Fourth of July
At the Laporte County Fair
And the country girls
Braless in their yard-sale halter tops
And barefoot on the dirty concourse
Couldn’t wreck my joy
Even as they solicited leering grins
And lusty whistles
Jiggling their way to the rodeo
To watch young men
In too-tight Levi jeans
That strained their groins
And hugged their loins . . .
Nor could the three-eyed freak
Whose spittle dribbled down his chin
As he watched the boys and girls
Shoving pink cotton candy with
Their grimy fingers into their
Little selfish mouths
Wreck my joy . . .
And when the sun got low
My guy, handsome in his Hollister shirt
And True Religion jeans
Led me behind the restrooms
Which stank of warm piss
And giving me a long kiss
Thrust his sweaty fingers
Down the front of my pants
Until, gasping, I pushed him away as he
Cussed under his breath
Leaving me there near the stale urinals
Where the three-eyed freak
Clutched his bulging crotch
And ogled me as I ran
And wandered aimlessly around the track
Until a chill night moved me towards
The parking lot where I found
Him (who loved me)
In the back seat of the car
(The dirty-souled boy
Straddling some dirty-soled girl)
While the three-eyed monster
Bayed to the moon.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

the zimdog's second pro-birth

It'll all begin differently when Julia Ormond's son meets Borat's daughter....

Perhaps it will be a crisp, Autumn day when the Route 8 bus breaks down at the Park stop....

(... stranding Rillo Ormond at the very same park where Boratelle will be flying her kite made of woven yak fur....)

The spark of love will unite the two... (... like a Bic lighter held near a flatulating anus...).

In time, the zygote will be sent up in a space jet... (... to be put in geocentric orbit at a velocity of 0.9c...).

After completing at least two googolplexes of counter-clockwise orbits, the zygote will be slowed to a speed that will allow it to grow at the standard, natural rate... (... only to be cast into a primitive, man-made wormhole that shoots it out in the year 1979... (... when it was captured by the cosmic ray that transported it to the zimdog's mother's vagina...)).

Some undisclosed number of months later, the zimdog was born!!!

(True story....)

a funny joke (disclaimer: not a zimdog pnaw)

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner....
"Son, where were you today?"
The son says, "At school, Dad...."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a DVD at my friends house!"
"What DVD?"
"Toy Story."
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno," cries the son....
"What! When I was your age, I didn't know what porn was," says the dad....
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs. "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son...."
Robot slaps the mom....